Contents
Relationship problems – where do they come from?
There are crisis moments in every couple’s life. It is due to many reasons. Problems in a relationship can arise because of bad relationships with in-laws or receiving a different upbringing. Often conflict situations arise in connection with the occurrence of difficult situations. Such situations will certainly include the decision to get married, buy a flat or take a loan. Problems can arise when a couple fails to adequately discuss their decisions and the rules they will abide by. Discussing mutual expectations beforehand will certainly help the couple avoid many problems and misunderstandings. Problems in a relationship and crisis situations can also arise at the time of the appearance of a child. Although this moment is one of the wonderful moments in the life of parents, it can lead to fears, fatigue and frustration. And from this place it is not difficult to get conflict and relationship problems ready.
Problems in a relationship can come from the monotony of everyday life and stressful work. Emotional tension transferred to the partner can become the cause of tensions and problems in the relationship. Another reason for the appearance of misunderstandings is the problem of communication with the partner. The inability to listen and talk openly with your partner about your feelings and needs can lead to many conflict situations. The psychological issue in a relationship is a borderline personality disorder. In bpd the subject person has unstable mood swings. Moslty people inquire about the average length of bpd relationship. And the answer to the query is 7 to 8 years. Before we analyze ways to deal with relationship problems, let’s get acquainted with their types and individual phases.
Types of relationship problems
Problems in a relationship usually arise when the partners’ plans, aspirations or expectations for a given matter diverge. The very fact of such a situation allows for the emergence of some conflict, which may or may not become a problem. It all depends on the partners’ approach to the situation. Sometimes partners allow a problem to arise that can be destructive or constructive.
- Destructive problems – These kinds of problems cover a wide range of activities. These kinds of problems cause suffering and real damage to the partner. You can easily combine them with emotions such as hostility, fear, frustration, and even aggression and violence. Destructive problems are those that take the form of a fight or even war between two people. Destructive problems lead to physical and psychological violence and the destruction of personal belongings.
- Constructive problems – Constructive problems don’t have as many bad emotions. Their appearance can, sometimes turns out to be beneficial for the relationship. Constructive problems motivate to change, teach assertiveness and compromise. Partners get to know each other and their own needs better. By solving these types of problems, partners express their emotions, as well as fears and concerns.
Common relationship problems
Every couple in a relationship goes through similar problems. Below is a description of the most typical and at the same time the most common problems that arise in a relationship.
• Communication – problems in communication between partners are among the most common. Partners not only have trouble understanding their partner’s point of view, but also listening to them. Many couples also have a problem expressing their own emotions and feelings. Many couples are unable to talk honestly with each other about their desires and needs. Sometimes partners are so busy with selfish intentions that they stop completely listening to their partner and paying attention to their needs.
• Regrets and problems from the past– the source of many misunderstandings are unresolved problems from the past and the associated regret and resentment towards the partner. Problems that arise need to be dealt with properly. The lack of an honest conversation, and pretending that there is no problem and there is nothing to talk about, is very disastrous. Unresolved problems from the past will come back and have a negative impact on the relationship.
• Unfulfilled dreams and unfulfilled expectations– Another common factor leading to misunderstandings and conflicts is unfulfilled dreams and unfulfilled expectations. The enormity of disappointment, resentment towards the partner and the related frustration become a huge problem in a relationship that ceases to function normally. In such situations, the partner whose expectations are not met looks critically only at his other half, ignoring his own mistakes and slips. The problem of unfulfilled expectations is so serious that it often appears without clear communication. The person is disappointed that their partner didn’t figure out what they should do and didn’t.
• Physical ContactsAnother common relationship problem is physical intimacy. Lack of sex and intimacy in a relationship usually also signals problems in other areas of the couple’s life. When a couple lives on bad terms, it’s hard to expect physical intimacy. In turn, long-term lack of sexual contact leads to frustration and loss of emotional bond.
• Holding a grudgeResentment is certainly one of the common problems that arise in a relationship. Such strong resentment may arise, for example, as a result of betrayal by one of the partners. Such a problem should be properly worked through, and the partner who decides to stay in the relationship should be able to forgive and try to forget about the unpleasant events. Thinking about what was painful leads to resentment that will quickly lead to the breakdown of the relationship. Wounds and traumas from the past are certainly a problem for many couples.
Problems with communication in a relationship – phases
Conflicts that arise in a relationship usually go the same way. What are the different phases of relationship problems?
- Deterioration of the partners’ relationship, feeling of nervousness gradually turning into frustration and anger.
- The appearance of hostility towards the partner. The feeling of nervousness turns into frustration, and the tension between the partners increases. Partners begin to blurt out what they don’t like. The mutual blaming begins, and the outpouring of what hurts the other person.
- The culminating effect is an argument that turns into a loud brawl. Mutual reproaches are shouted and the partner turns into a hostile adversary. Negative emotions cover warm feelings. Hate, anger and aggression dominate in this type of quarrels.
- The end of the conflict is the next phase that allows you to reach an agreement. However, everything depends on the attitude of the partners. The calming phase allows you to draw conclusions from the argument, and to think over your partner’s words.
Problems in every relationship are different. This mainly affects the duration of the individual phases. In some relationships, couples are able to bypass the argument phase and come to an agreement. In other cases, the situation can take a slightly more dramatic form. The brawl phase can last a long time. During this phase, verbal abuse and physical violence may occur. An additional factor that sustains this phase is the persistence of the problem. Partners, instead of focusing on solving the problem, think about the line of defense that leads to the counterattack. So there is a vicious circle. The next stage of conflict extinction in this case may take much longer. Confrontation of positions after such unpleasant events will not be easy, but working out a solution beneficial to both partners is quite possible.
Relationship problems
Although a relationship between two people can bring a lot of love and support to partners, unfortunately, it is also a source of misunderstanding. Problems arise as a result of associating two people with different personalities, habits and different upbringing. These factors are conducive to the emergence of tensions, clashes and quarrels. The determining factor is also the routine of everyday life that emerges over time. When the period of romantic ecstasy passes, partners begin to notice in each other what they used to pay no attention to. Sometimes such a gray reality can cause problems in a relationship. Conflicts in a relationship can also have much more serious causes. Sometimes the source of problems becomes betrayal, notorious abuse of trust, addiction, lack of sexual pleasure, difficulties associated with the appearance and upbringing of children or poor relations with in-laws. Problems in a relationship can be solved effectively. Over time, partners will also learn to react appropriately in given situations. Thanks to such flexibility and willingness to compromise, many couples perfectly cope with the resulting conflicts, which enrich the relationship with further experiences.
How to solve them?
The ability to solve problems in a relationship turns out to be a key factor in deriving joy and happiness from the relationship you create with your partner. Solving problems in a relationship will be easy when we learn how to talk to the other person in the right way. Proper communication is able to protect partners from many crisis moments. It is extremely important to speak in a clear and constructive way so that the partner understands our needs and expectations. Leaving understatements so that the partner guesses what we need is a mistake. This can lead to frustration and disappointment, which will deepen the ongoing conflict. On the other hand, listening is important. By listening to what the other person wants to tell us, we show them respect and love. Perhaps during such a conversation we will realize our erroneous reasoning on certain issues. Proper communication in a relationship helps to avoid many problems and solve existing ones.
Resolving relationship issues is not an easy thing to do. Especially when the conflicting parties stubbornly stick to their side of the dispute and are reluctant to consider the possibility of compromise. Conflicted people should think about the higher good, i.e. about maintaining peaceful relations with a partner. If the situation and type of conflict allow, the following methods can be used.
- Avoidance – if the type of conflict is trivial and yet causes tension and nervous atmosphere, it is better to avoid a certain topic during conversations. This is a good method for small problems that do not significantly affect the partners’ lives.
- Submission – Submission in certain situations is a very good method of avoiding conflicts and solving existing problems. Giving up one’s own business, however, may have two effects in the future. During the next argument, the other partner may make concessions, or try to make the submissive partner always give in during the argument.
- Compromise – Compromise should not be confused with submission. Submission can lead to manipulation and pressure on the partner, while compromise is a solution that allows both parties to the conflict to gain something.
- Sorry – This magic word is sometimes enough for both sides to let go. It doesn’t matter who started the conflict, the important thing is to end it. A sincere apology helps bring out the positive feelings that have been covered up by grief, anger, frustration, and other negative emotions that come up during an argument.
- Cooperation – If, despite the desire to resolve the conflict, it fails, partners can try to work out a common idea to improve the relationship. This kind of cooperation on resolving the resulting conflict will help to see its true causes. Sometimes a problem that seems simple turns out to be very complex.
Couples psychotherapy
Relationship problems can take many forms. Their complexity also depends on the causes responsible for the conflict. Partners may have difficulty communicating in a relationship, which may be based on a lack of empathy, listening skills, or freedom in talking about their needs and expectations. Other couples, instead of focusing on solving the problem, look for blame, avoid making certain decisions due to fear of the consequences of their choices, or diminish the value of the partner and the problem. In such cases, it is worth seeking help from a couples psychotherapist. A specialist in the field of couples problems will look at the couple’s problems from a completely different perspective than the participants in the dispute. A psychotherapist can point out the mistakes they make and suggest how to avoid them. Sometimes a communication problem in a relationship can be caused by the shyness of one of the partners or low self-esteem. Another reason may be explosiveness and lack of control over your emotions. In such situations, a psychotherapist may also recommend individual therapy.
During the session, the psychotherapist will help the partners freely talk about the problem that has arisen. Partners will be able to freely talk about their feelings, needs and what they expect. Sometimes such a conversation without the participation of a specialist who controls its course can lead to another quarrel. Under the supervision of a specialist, partners will learn to talk to each other and find solutions to their problems.